Read time: 3 mins

Dealing with a chronic health condition can take its toll: physically, mentally and emotionally. 

Around 10 years ago, my mental wellbeing reached an all-time low.

Years of rapidly declining health had left me feeling totally out of control and a shell of my former self. After the initial relief of diagnosis, I was hit with the harsh reality: I was stuck with this thing forever.

I was referred for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) for pain management. Having just graduated with a BSc Psychology:

I knew that all pain is created in the brain.

I knew that emotional pain triggers the same brain regions as physical pain.

I knew how effective CBT was for depression and anxiety.

But, in all honesty, I found myself feeling cynical.

How would changing my thoughts make the slightest bit of difference? I had structural issues with my body that would never go away.

Yet the impact it had on my quality of life was immeasurable. 

One of the biggest shifts happened the first time I identified my values.

When she first mentioned values, my eyes almost rolled into the back of my head. I like science and this sounded wishy-washy. But I was desperate and trying to keep an open mind, so I went with it. 

By the end of the exercise, I’d honed in on 5 core values: 

 💪 Health

 💕 Connection

 💡 Curiosity

 🦁 Courage

 😆 Fun

I thought we were done. I felt pretty pleased with myself, I had values! 

Then she asked me to rate out of 10 how much I was living in line with those values.

It hit me like a tonne of bricks.

Tears started rolling down my face. 

The answer to every single one of them was pitifully close to zero.

In an attempt to get control of my situation, I had:

• Given up hobbies and exercise, for fear of flare-ups or injury
• Swapped fun with friends for night after night on the sofa
• Become snappy with the people I cared about most 
• Avoided new situations that might not be manageable for me

And my health….well, we know how well that was going.

No wonder I felt so low.

So I began taking small steps: 

• For each value, I listed one manageable step I could take that week to fulfil it
• I swapped “can I do this?” for “how can I do this?”
• I checked in with her regularly, which kept me accountable to those actions

And I started consciously creating my life instead of letting it happen to me.

It helped me reclaim that sense of control I was looking for – only this time, in a way that felt empowering. I started noticing shifts in my overall mood and, importantly, so did the people closest to me. 

In time, my values became my compass and calibration tool. Since then, they’ve helped me:

• Be very strategic about my career – from where I work, to how I work and what I do
• Quickly spot when a goal I thought I wanted wouldn’t make me happy and why
• Understand why I’d lost my mojo at work and how to get it back 
• Recognise when it’s time for a change in my life or career
• Make difficult decisions with courage, not fear

This is why I always start with values – they set the direction for everything else: your goals, your priorities, your decisions.

And, quite quickly, they can shine a light on the gap between where you are and where you want to be. 

Now, whenever something feels off for a while, I check back in with 3 key questions:

1. Have my values shifted in nature or priority?
2. How much am I living in line with them right now ?
3. What small steps can I take to realign my actions with my values?

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